Hope
by DilaraClem
Summary: Cordelia hopes for one last time.


My mother, even though her mental abuses has always been frequent, hit me only twice in my lifetime. The second one happened only a week ago, in the kitchen, a slap with no purpose, nothing more than a way to calm her rising rage. It hurt, yes, but not as the first one. It happened when I was only ten years old. I was sitting on my bed, trying to listen my mother's excuse for not being able to come my school play but my sobs was making it hard to understand her. Back then she used to care enough for me to make excuses for her absence in my life. She kept talking and talking while I sat there and cried my pain out. After fifth minute, she started screaming at me, giving one of her lessons on how I should be stronger, why I shouldn't cry at simplest things. When she was finished, breathing fast and leaving me under a smell of alcohol and cigerattes and something I couldn't figure out back then, I forced myself to stop crying. I looked up at her, barely even seeing her beautiful face between my foggy eyes, I whispered.

"I- I knew but-" It was so hard to talk no matter how hard I forced myself, sobs were coming out of me nonetheless.

"Speak up!" she screamed at my face, so I forced myself more.

"I knew you wouldn't come... I knew but... I still hoped."

She slapped me. Hard. So hard that I couldn't breath because of the pain for a moment. So hard that I thought it took the life out of me.

"Don't hope for things that you know are impossible."

It was the greatest life lesson I learned from my mother. Only thing I learned from her that I kept with me.

So what am I doing here?

"Queenie run!" I scream.

"But-" she says but I cut her before she can go on.

"I SAID RUN! GO!" I scream again with all the power I have left. "Please Queenie." I hear myself whisper as I feel something flying next to my head and hear it strike the life from Queenie, and as she slowly falls on the floor, I can hear the house weeping for one more lost. My mother walks past me to Queenie, throwing her finished cigarette into her blood. I can sense the house shattering with the voice of cigarette's fire dying. I feel my mother looking back to me, I can't see her but I can feel the smile on her face and it disgusts me more than ever before.

"I think someone is trying to reach you Delia." she says with a mocking voice.

I turn behind and feel Misty's hand brushing to mine. It hits me then. My emotions that couldn't sink in while I was trying to save Queenie, finally sink in. My Misty, lying on the piano that once she listened her Stevie playing. My Misty, my only light in this darkness, my only future... My love that could have been. I walk to her and feel her unstable breath against me. I lower myself down on my knees, my face next to hers. Her hand reaches out for mine and I hold it without a second thought. Visions come through into my mind so fast that it cuts my breath. I see myself, only myself but from a point of view that so in love that I shine. I see myself through her eyes and the love fills me like it never did before. All that pain leaves my body in those seconds and I hear myself crying with happiness until vision slowly fade away as Misty's life does. No matter how much I try to hold on to those seconds, her hand slowly falls from mine. I cry more until I hear her running out of breath. I bring my head closer to hers and kiss her lips for the first and the last time.

"You are my tribe Miss Cordelia" she whispers against my lips and gives out one last breath.

"No... No Misty please... " I shake her. "Please don't go..." I mutter between my sobs. My tears burning my eyes like they never did before. "I need you, come back please." I keep begging, my body shaking with my sobs while I hold her hand for one more vision, one more second of love. "Please..." I say until I feel a gun against my head. My mother's parfume fills my nose and I hold myself to not vomit as she presses the gun more harshly against my head. "No." I think, I can't die like this. I bring Misty's hand to my face, kiss it while the earthy smell fills not only my nose but my whole being. I feel it in my bones, I feel it running through my veins and surrounding my heart with such love that I still hope.

"Please, come back to me." I whisper one last time.

"Don't hope for things that you know are impossible Cordelia." then the bullet goes through my head as I hope for more.


End file.
